Scared

I am scared about actually finishing something as in all through the editing process ready to submit something finished. Why am I scared? Thinking it is because then I have nothing stopping me from submitting but my own self.

I admit it on occasion but never to the degree that it bothers me. I am going to do that now in hopes that I can at least push forward.

My writing although I think is imaginative seems lacking something. Perhaps it is because in high school and some in college, the papers always suffered but it was never because of the content but because of the grammar. I am terrible at grammar spending hours upon hours trying to fix things only to be more confused.

I am a stay at home mom because at this point in time it was financially smarter to stay home then to go to work and pay for daycare only to be bringing home and extra 20-50 a week. That should change since I now have at least some kind of college degree but I have not really started looking only because we are waiting to find out about my husband’s job interview.

SAHM is not a bad thing it has become a wonderful thing. I have the ability to watch my kids grow up learning all kinds of things, watching the boys grow with each other. I am able to pick my daughter up from school. It has actually let me get a lot of writing done to improve upon myself. However, as I sit back and look what I have done. Spent hours writing instead of spending time with my family over the course of the past few years only to realize that I will probably never be published.

I want to be but I probably never will be. I have invested all this time for the possibility of nothing and I am scared. 

Until next time!